A Time to say 'No'

Be warned that this post has nothing to do with food. Seldom have I posted negativity in this blog. But I think it is time for me to certain things off my chest. It has been weighing on me too long that I have no will to blog of other stuff at all. I do not know if this post will draw any flak. All I ask is that if you find this post offensive, don’t read it. Allow me to vent my emotions on my own blog. I do not expect you to walk in my shoes or feel how I felt.

1) Have your parents been humiliated by your in laws during the wedding preparation?
2) During the wedding dinner, your parents were being treated as if invisible?
3) Till this day, they had never spoken to each other because your in laws think your parents are holed up in 3 room flat?
4) Have your parents been accused of as snobs when the real snobs are your in laws?
5) Despite meeting your in laws only during Chinese New Year, it can still become a circus act, gossips that followed months and months later?
6) Over a period of 7 years, your daughter met her ‘so-called’ grandfather on 7 to 9 occasions?
7) You do not even know where your in laws live?
8) Have your joy of a first time mother doused with words like, ‘I already have 4 grandchildren’?
9) Have your pride of a first time home owner being trampled upon, just because you could only afford a HDB flat?
10) Your sis in law returned and insisted a bigger ang bao for her kids even though your husband was jobless and relied on your income at that time?
11) Your sis in law gave your kids clothes so worned out that even your helper didn't even want them?
12) Your sis in law gave big packets sweets and chocolates to your kids which were so close to expiry dates?
13) Have your calls for help being answered only a year later when the crisis was over, and that they came questioning if what you said a year ago were true?
14) Despite of all these, they expect you to fulfill your obligations to them when the need arises?

As the verse went, ‘A time to kill, a time to heal’. And this is my time, a time to say ‘No’. A relative from IH’s side said, ‘Do not have pride, forget and forgive and life is all about relationship, do not deprive the kids of their grandparents.’ Well, I would like to tell this self righteous relative, who has never been married, never had in laws like mine and whose womb never nurtured a child to hold her tongue.

Do not have pride - It is not about pride; it is dignity. My parents definitely did not raise me up just be treated like that. I did not receive education to be treated like that. I did not have children just so you could treat them like the way you people did.

Forgive and forget - It is so easy for you to say 'forgive and forget' when you are not at the receiving end. You may request, but the choice is up to me. In the first place, there wasn't any apology.

Life is all about relationship, do not deprive the kids of their grandparents - All their lives, my children have only known and loved one set of grandparents. At the age of 4, Ah Girl told my dad that 'the other old man' is not her grandfather because he doesn't love her. Upon hearing those words, how would a mother feel? My MIL was so indifferent towards Ah Girl and Ah Boy, perhaps they didn't even know she is the grandmother. What relationship? How can one be deprived of something which they never knew they had? My kids don't even want to be carried by them or speak to them. To them, my in laws are nothing more than strangers. Whatever love they couldn't give, my parents gave, my aunts and uncle gave, unconditionally.

There was death in the family recently and so the drama unfolds. I refused to attend the funeral and told IH that the kids are too young to go. It took them 7 years and a funeral to remember that they have a daughter in law and grandchildren somewhere. 冰封三尺，非一日之寒。If they expect instant reconciliation, they are mistaken. I may be married to IH but I am not enslaved to him or his family. I have the same earning power, I stand on even ground. Being an outcast for so long, I refuse surrender my freedom. I do not want to waste my energy on my in laws anymore. Out of sight, out of mind. I am fine as long as they stop bothering me. I am not stopping them to see the kids; that is if they ever bothered to. But don't expect me to play nice, that's hypocrisy. Brand me unfilial, unforgiving, vindictive, I don't care. I insist, call me Madam, not Missus. I do not want to carry his family name for I am my own master.

Soy Milk Chiffon Cake (Re-Post)

A reader experienced some problem with this recipe I posted so I wanted to do some experiment with it. I have been rather busy with work so thanks for bearing with me. It is quite difficult to explain without pictures so I decided not to reply via comments.

The original recipe which I posted earlier is as below.

Soy Milk Chiffon Cake (Yolk Free)
Ingredients
(A)
180g Unsweetened Soy Milk (I used Sobe)
30g Fine Sugar
1/4 tsp Salt
50g Corn Oil
1/2 Tsp Vanilla Essence

(B)
110g Cake flour
40g Soy Flour
1/2 tbsp Baking powder

*Sift

(C)
5 Egg Whites
50g Fine Sugar
1/2 Ttsp Cream of Tartar

Method
1) In a bowl, using hand whisk, whisk (A) till incorporated.

2) Add (B) and mix well.

3) In another bowl, using an electric mixer, beat till the whites are frothy. Add in Cream of Tartar and beat till soft peaks. Add in sugar gradually and beat till stiff peaks.

4) Fold in 1/3 of the whites into the mixture using a rubber spatula till incorporated. Pour the mixture to the remaining egg whites and fold in gently till incorporated.

5)Pour into a 21 cm chiffon tube pan. Level the batter with a spatula. Bang the pan on the table to get rid of bubbles.

6) Oil a piece of aluminium foil and cover the pan loosely. Bake at 170 deg.C for 10mins.

7) Turn down the temperature to 160 deg.C and bake for 20mins.

8) Reduce the temperature to 150 deg.C and bake for 10mins. Insert a skewer to check if the cake is done. Remove the foil and bake for another 5 to 10mins to brown the surface.

9) Remove from the oven and invert the pan. Remove the cake from pan when it's completely cooled.

*Note : Mixture (A) will be heavier than your regular egg yolk batter. This is normal due to the extra soy flour used.

**Note : Perhaps I should just replace some of the cake flour with soy flour (toying with idea of 90g cake flour and 30g soy flour) to get a lighter cake. Disregard the yolks entirely and stick to 140g of soy milk.

Below are the correspondence between Hwee Choon and me.

*Quote*
Anonymous said...
Hi Rei

I tried to follow your recipe today but unfortunately the cake turned out to be too dry.

It was already too dry when i tried to mix Group A and Group B ingredients together, even when I have added 200g of Soy Milk instead of 180g. I tried adding another 30g of soy milk but the cake turned out to be too dry. The only difference from your recipe is that I used 150g of cake flour instead of 110g of cake flour and 40g of soy flour.

Also I noticed there is also a harden layer at the top of the cake which I have nvr come across when i bake other favour chiffon cake.

Appreciate if you can advise.

Thanks
Hwee Choon

April 7, 2010 12:04 AM

Rei said...
Hi Hwee Choon, first I need to determine if you are the recipe without egg yolk or with egg yolks. Next, when I tweaked the recipe, I have taken soy flour's water absorption into consideration. Thus, amount of soy flour should not be substituted directly with cake flour. Should you use 150g of cake flour, you would need an additional egg to support the cake structure. Substituting egg yolk can be quite tricky as it contains water and fats.

I would like to know if you have added corn oil on top of the 230g of soy milk. Assuming you added these 2 liquids, your hydration ratio is about 53.6%, which will result in a very moist cake. It shouldn't be dry.

The top layer you were refering to is after being inverted?

April 7, 2010 9:29 AM

Anonymous said...
HI Rei

Thanks for the quick response.

Initially For group A, I used 200g soy milk, 30g castor sugar, 50g corn oil and 1/2 tsp vanilla essence. For group B, I used 150g Cake flour and 1/2tbsp baking powder. No yolk was used. When I added the flour into group A, the consistency of the patter was very "solid" as in it's not as liquid as the patter I always have when baking chiffon cake. And I dont think it's possible to fold in the egg white to the mixture. So I added in another 30g of soy milk.

230g of soy milk is excluding the 50g of corn oil.

The top layer is before the cake is being inverted as in the side that is direct contact with the heat and not the cake pan.

April 8, 2010 2:03 AM

Anonymous said...
Hi Rei

By the way, I did not say that 230gm of soy milk is too dry. What I meant was, your recipe of 180gm of soy milk is too dry after adding the flour. And if I read correctly, your recipe did not include any egg yolks and I did not mention that I added any egg yolks.

Hope this is clear for you.

Thanks and regard
Hwee Choon
*Unquote*

Experiment 1
As mentioned in my comments, I do not encourage direct subsitution of soy flour with cake flour. The water absorption between the 2 flours is different. Below is how the batter would look like based on Hwee Choon's direct substitution. 150g cake flour + 180g soy milk + 50g oil.


















It is slightly thicker than the normal chiffon cake yolk batter, which was mentioned in my earlier post. But it doesn't look solid to me. Hydration ratio is 65.22%

Experiment 2
Soy milk was increased to 200g. Oil remains at 50g. Batter looks smoother, presents ribbon stage when whisk is lfted. Hydration ratio is 60%



















Experiment 3
Soy milk was incresed to 230g and oil remains at 50g. Batter falls easily from whisk. Hydration ratio is 53.57%


















I would suggest that the hydration ratio stays within the 60 to 68 percentage. Too much liquid might hinder the cake from rising as the cake cannot support its own structure.

2 Years

It's been 2 years of blogging. Beginning of this year, I made plans to organise a luck draw for the readers. However, due to several unexpected turn of events, I had to shelf the idea. It's way past anniversary now but, who cares? Ahah~~ I will make the announcement once I am ready. It is my way of saying thank-you to the readers, especially those who bothered to come back for updates.

Beginning of Year 2010, I didn't have time to reflect, no time to make any resolutions. But looking back, 2009 had been a good year though not all smooth sailing. I was doing some spring cleaning of my draft folder and found a few drafts with pictures uploaded but no words. I may have long forgotten how I felt after I finished decorating the cake but each picture brings back bits and pieces of memory. I compiled them together and post them here. And thank you all mommies for placing orders with me again this year.